When you love into oblivion.

Have you ever loved some one for so long and so hard that it literally consumed you? That you just loved and loved and loved regardless of the things they did to you? No matter how bad times got, or how many times they cheated or lied? You just continued to love them. You continued to stay. You loved them no matter how many times they called you names, no matter how many times they called you those names in front of your children. No matter how many times they’d cheat, no matter how many times they would choose themselves and their friends over you and y’alls family. No matter how many times they lied about where they were, or what they were doing. No matter what, you loved them. Did you stay just because you were so comfortable, or because you were scared to leave, or maybe because it was all you had? You probably stayed because you thought LOVE could change them. And wouldn’t it be an amazing world of LOVE had the power to change people.. 

Love is not easy. Love is work. Love is becoming a better version of yourself. Love is happiness, love is sacrifice, it’s putting one persons well being and happiness before your own. Love isn’t name calling. Love isn’t belittling another in the heat of the moment, when you’re mad to hurt the other. Love isn’t lies and then more lies to save your own ass. Love isn’t betrayal. Love is not supposed to hurt. 

Love is supposed to be beautiful. 

Don’t love into oblivion. Don’t love someone so much that you can’t see past them. Don’t love someone so much that it blurs your vision because all you see is them.

Don’t be with someone that doesn’t love themselves first. How can anyone possibly love you, when they don’t even love themselves. And for them to first love themselves, they’ll have to find themselves, and know who they are. 

Don’t be with someone that doesn’t bring out the best in you, even in those raw moments.

Don’t be with someone that doesn’t love you for who you are and what you stand for. 

Don’t be with someone that doesn’t respect you in front of others and behind closed doors.

Don’t stay with someone because you love them so much you think you wouldn’t be able to stand the thought of leaving them. Don’t stay with someone because you think one day you’ll be able to change them, because you can’t change someone that doesn’t want to truly and whole heartedly change.

Don’t be with someone that isn’t everything you’ve ever dreamed and hoped for. He/She is out there, and they are all that and a bag of chips. 

don’t. settle.

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When you love into oblivion.

Deciding to hang on..

  
 There comes a point in every young ladies life where they meet a guy that becomes their best friend, then becomes their boyfriend and they fall totally, completely, overwhelmingly in love. If only everything stayed rainbow and sunshines 24/7, life would be pretty great.. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. Once we’re hit with a a powerful, so raw love like this.. Sometimes we have to go through that  “once in a lifetime heartbreak”. The kind of heart break that literally makes every muscle in your body hurt, makes you second guess everything in your life, makes you feel hollow and really alone. I’m here to tell you you’re never alone. And sometimes that love of your life and your biggest heartbreak apologizes and wants you back.. And your heart is pleading with you, and your head is telling you, “girl you know better”.. Well.. Here’s my story. It’s a lot different than most but you can still some what relate.

I met my best friend, and after 2 months we decided to date. He was.. Perfect. Everything I had ever wanted in a man. Not to mention I had a daughter whose biological father was never in the picture.. They clicked, and that’s what set it over the edge. I was in love.. And she was in love. He became daddy. I love him.. I felt it all the way in my toes. I’d get butterflies just at the sound of his voice, and I always acted like a giddy little girl on the night before Christmas every time he looked at me. He got me, we prayed together, laughed together, cried together. We reached our highest highs with each other and our lowest lows. After a year in a half we added a 4th member to the family! A brother! We were “perfect” or seemed to be.. But nothing is perfect behind closed doors. Secrets, and lies started to creep into our home.. And I left with the kids. We argued and fought and he couldn’t be honest and I started to listen more to what everyone was telling me rather than following my heart in fear I would disappoint family or friends. To make this long story somewhat short, we got back together and broke up about 2 more times.. As of now, we aren’t together  due to the lies, and secrets.. But.. I’ve done a lot of soul searching, I know God intends for me and “the love of my life” and “my once in a lifetime heartbreak” to work through our inner issues if we BOTH really and honestly loved, cared, and respected each other. I’m finally okay with the small town talk of the town that this will cause. I’m okay with the looks and the doubts people will have. It’s my life. And the heart wants what the heart wants. Sometimes life gets hard and overbearing but at least I know I have my best friend by my side. Through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. 

 To my fellow ladies facing some of the same issues.. Ask yourself if you called him at 3 in the morning, would he answer and how would he answer? Would he be concerned and alert, and come to your rescue? Keep him around a little longer.. If not, give it up. The one is out there, you’ll find him. It won’t always be easy, but he nor you will ever give up on each other. You won’t wake up every morning with butterflies and feel like you’re so in love.. Being in love and making things work and being happy with each other is a choice that you have to make each and every day. It’s all a choice. Your choice.

Love, 

 A girl that went with her heart.

Deciding to hang on..

Pigs in a blanket, fry em like bacon bullshit.

I would like to start off by saying, that I’m the daughter and friend of a police officer. A man that CHOSE to put on his uniform and serve and protect his community, and has been for 22 years. Our community. Many nights, he’d come home and the weary look in his eyes you could see the kind of night it was. Is every night bad? No. Some nights are better than others. Do you know the thought that every person who has with a loved one in law enforcement, especially a child? I hope my daddy comes back home tonight. Do you know how much the average police officer in Georgia makes in a year?32,000$. 32,000$. For putting their lives on the line EVERY day. That leads me to this.

I believe ALL lives matter, we can talk about Michael Brown, Travon Martin, Walter Scott, Sandra Bland, and many others. NOT all police officers are these horrible people. Lets face it, they aren’t just police officers, they are moms and dads, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, sons and daughters, cousins, and friends. Since when did it become acceptable and okay to do this and say these horrible things towards people who protect us?! Who would protect your grandparents, your parents, your children if it weren’t for our law enforcement? Who would keep people from breaking into your parents’ house and beating them? Who would help prevent your children from getting kidnapped, or rapped? Who would stand toe-to-toe, head-to-head with a murder and risk their life for you or a family member, that they’ve never even met before? I’m absolutely DISGUISTED to see “pigs in a blanket, fry them like bacon”. I’m saddened and hurt that this is the world that my children will have to grow up in. A world where it’s okay to slander police officers, where it’s okay to stand against them, and act as if every police officer is a pig. Because let me tell you. If you honestly believe that, then you sir or mam.. are the true definition of IGNORANT. Do you honestly believe you could do a better job at keeping your family safe? GO AHEAD AND TRY. I can assure you that you will fail, and you will fail miserably. If you believe you can do a better job, then you go put on that tan uniform every morning and go out and protect people that aren’t any relation to you. Kiss your children goodbye, for it could be the very last kiss you ever give and they ever receive from you.

I want to sincerely thank, each and every law enforcement officer.. especially my daddy. I can only imagine the things you see every day, and I want to thank you for putting my family and I and our lives before your own. I want to thank you for getting up every morning and going out to do your job, even if that day could be your last. Again, thank you for being men and women of great strength. And for those who think any differently, well.. they can kiss my ass.

Pigs in a blanket, fry em like bacon bullshit.

To the single mamas 

Hey you, with the heavy eye lids. Hey you, with your hair in a bun with strands hanging down. Hey you, with dinner on your shirt. Hey mama. I know you feel like you can’t ever catch a break, between work, kids, and making time for friends, really what friends? You never have time. Hey mama, know you’re NOT alone, know that you aren’t the only one.. Have some faith in yourself. Hey mama, you’re doing fine. I know it’s a struggle getting off, picking the kids up, getting home, doing homework, fixing dinner, feeding them dinner, baths, and bed, all while trying to pick up the house to still feel like you’re in a pig sty. Hey mama, those babies love you. They see how hard your working and they’re loving you TWICE as much because you’re doing enough for TWO people. Hey mama, it’s not gonna be like this for long. They won’t be this small, with their little voices and their little hands. Hold on to it. Hey mama, your babies are lucky to have someone as strong as you are that does everything for them and not throwing in the towel like the other part of them did. Hey mama, I got faith in you, you got this. Hey mama, those babies looking in your eyes are so blessed for you, even when you look a mess and feel like you’re failing, hey mama, know you’re changing the world. 

To the single mamas 

To the guy I loved, that didn’t love me

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To the guy I loved but didn’t love me,
Why do people even date and fall in love? Because when heartbreak comes, it comes hard and at full force, it sucks. It really does. Leaves you feeling like you’ve gotten hit by a Mack Truck, like you’ve been knocked down and you can’t possibly pull together to get enough strength to get up. Let me start with the fact we used to be best friends, we used to laugh together, cry together, you were the one person I knew I’d always have on my side. And for that I already loved you. Then we got together, and I fell in love with you, even the smallest things you did like the way you’d sing your heart out in the car, the way you’d ask me over and over “Who’s singing this?”, the way you’d snatch the covers off of me when I was mad, to see that flame in my eyes. And even better than that, you become a dad to my child when you didn’t have too, and boy did you fill those shoes, perfectly. So just imagine how much I loved you. Then, we had a child together. We were officially a family. Everything I had ever wanted and there was nothing that I loved more. That’s when you started calling me names, that’s when you’d yell and get in my face in front of our kids, you’d snatch things out of my hands, you’d call me useless, weak, “no one will ever want someone with two kids by two different guys”. I’d continuously ask myself why, why God, why this man?! How is this okay? How do I deserve this? My love will be enough I thought. You’d flip the tables to make it seem like it were always me, never you.. And I’d give in.. He’ll change he said and I really wanted to believe him, but he didn’t. He would talk to other girls, flirt, but here I was, stupid “in love”. Here’s what I realized, I did love a boy that didn’t love me in return, I still do.. But I love my children more than I love him. To the guy I loved that didn’t love me, I hurt for you. For our family, and for the love we used to share, but you can bet your ass that I’ll never put myself back in the situation where a BOY will make me second guess who I am, my worth, and how I was raised. To the guy I loved that didn’t love me, I will raise our children to treat people with kindness and to not allow someone belittle them. To the guy I loved that didn’t love me, I’m not mad at you nor do I hate you.. I appreciate the things in life that you’ve shown and taught me, good and bad, and thank you for giving me the most amazing child. Without you, I would’ve never gotten him. To the guy I loved that didn’t love me, I pray that no one breaks you like you broke me.
Sincerely,
The Woman who left you

To the guy I loved, that didn’t love me